Home - News - Biblical Forgiveness We often struggle with forgiving those who have hurt us or violated our trust or friendship or love. We don’t feel like forgiving. We still hurt and the damage still surrounds us and lives within us from the sin. The last thing we feel like doing is to forgive.

And ... you might say – I can’t forgive because I can’t trust the person. And our relationship is severely damaged so how can I forgive. And – it just seems like they can sin and get away with it because if I am called to forgive and reconcile it will seem like all is done and forgotten. It will seem like it is okay to sin – you get away with it if you just say a few words like ‘will you forgive me’.

This just seems so wrong. They have to somehow know how hard this is on me. They have to earn my forgiveness. They have to prove they are worthy of forgiveness.

Well folks let me say we have to sift through the feelings and understand what is cultural teaching, tradition or our own thoughts vs. Biblical teaching.

Here is the bottom line about Biblical forgiveness – it is scandalous! Actually it was Philip Yancey who said ‘grace is scandalous’. To forgive in the Biblical sense is to pour out grace upon a sin and sinner. This is scandalous. They should have to pay for their sin. They should have to suffer for their sin – just as I have suffered because of their sin.

If I forgive and reconcile it is like they got away with it. Well the Bible says this is not true – but so often we feel like this and thus struggle with forgiveness.

I mean think about it – what if after murdering tens of thousands of people and being a terrible tyrant Saddam Hussein had repented and committed his life to Christ just seconds before being hanged. He would be in heaven – fully forgiven. Or think of it – a person who has murdered an innocent child could ask forgiveness of God and be declared fully righteous and without sin. This is scandalous!

The Apostle Peter struggled with this when he asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive someone. We read about it in Matthew 18:21, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Now Peter was being very gracious for the Jews thought that to forgive someone three times was the maximum so Peter is over doubling that. Jesus response is shocking ... you could even say scandalous, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” The phrase Jesus uses is a phrase that really means – there is no limit – just keep forgiving. What, we cry! You can’t ask me to forgive over and over – that’s unfair!

Why is this an issue? Well Biblical forgiveness is one of the defining characteristics of a Christ-follower and of the church of Jesus Christ. After all what is a Christian but a forgiven one. We have life because God forgave us in Christ Jesus. And He says to us – if I have forgiven you should you not also forgive one another. But we say, ‘you don’t know what she/he did ... I can’t forgive that!’ God says to us – look what you have done to me – sins like murder (ever been angry at someone?) or adultery (ever lusted) or thievery (ever stolen anything) or idolatry (ever put anything before God). Hey we have sinned greatly and God does not rate sins like we do – but He forgives us fully and immediately.

And remember what is scandalous – is that we are forgiven. What is scandalous is that Christ – an innocent and perfect man took my sin and paid for my sin being punished – put to death for my sin. That is scandalous. And all I have to do is ask for His forgiveness in faith believing in Him. That is scandalous. And on top of that – as if that is not enough – I also get His righteousness – His holiness – His goodness placed upon me marking and making me absolutely perfect – without sin. Now that is scandalous.

So when we choose to forgive someone out of obedience to our Father and in accordance with His example we do not ask Him to ignore the sin which has hurt us so much, nor to excuse it, nor to turn a blind eye to it but rather we acknowledge that if the sinner is a Christ-follower that Jesus has already paid for that sin. Now that is scandalous!

And remember to forgive is a choice of the will – an act of the will not a by- product of our feelings. Just as love is a choice not primarily a feeling so also forgiveness is a choice regardless of how we feel. And on top of that we are called to do the acts and actions of grace not just grant forgiveness. Meaning we are to work toward the good of the other – to seek to bless the sinner.

All of this does NOT negate the consequences of their sin. I could forgive a person who attacked my family – full and complete forgiveness and even demonstrate love for them working for their good AND at the same time uphold them being sent to prison for their crime. Consequences are not always removed by God when forgiveness is granted (sometimes they are but that is a subsequent act of grace).

Trust is not granted either with forgiveness – trust needs to be earned back over time by proven change and trustworthiness. And relationships may be permanently damaged by the sin. Now we are never to live with ongoing anger, bitterness, division, unkind words or actions, etc. Rather we are to love one another – even our enemies.

Following are some thoughts from various writers and preachers about forgiveness which might help with this issue. Let’s be the body of Christ to one another and to show our lost world what the kingdom of heaven is like.

Thoughts by John Piper:
Matthew 6:7-15 For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

The greatest risk is that the church has is that we may lose heaven. Because one way to lose heaven is to hold fast to an unforgiving spirit and so prove that we have never been indwelt by the Spirit of Christ. If we hold fast to an unforgiving spirit, we will not be forgiven by God. If we continue on in that way, then we will not go to heaven, because heaven is the dwelling place of forgiven people.

Then in Matthew 18 Jesus told a parable to illustrate this point. Peter asks the question in verse 21, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" And Jesus answers, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

And then he tells the parable about the king who forgave his servant a million dollar debt. The servant went out from the king and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a relatively small amount, refused his desperate pleas for mercy and had him thrown in prison. When the king heard about it he called for the servant and said (in vv. 32-35),

"You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you entreated me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow servant, even as I had mercy on you?" And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. So shall My heavenly Father also do to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.

The point of Matthew 6:15 and 18:35 is that if we hold fast to an unforgiving spirit we will be handed over to the tormentors. We will lose heaven, and gain hell.

The reason is not because we can earn heaven or merit heaven by forgiving others, but because holding fast to an unforgiving spirit proves that we do not trust Christ. If we trust him we will not spurn his way of life. If we trust him we will not be able to take forgiveness from his hand for our million dollar debt and withhold it from our ten dollar debtor.

Paul said in Ephesians 4:32, "Forgive each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." In other words God's forgiveness is underneath ours and creates it and supports it. So that if we don't give it to others—if we go on in an unforgiving spirit—what we show is that God is not there in our lives. We are not trusting him. And not trusting him will keep us out of heaven. And cause us to be handed over to the tormentors.

So if forgiveness is that serious – if it is such a stark marker of whether one has the Spirit of the living God dwelling in them then we need to carefully understand what forgiveness is Biblically and what it means to truly forgive one another.

What is Forgiveness?
When we strive against all thoughts of revenge; when we will not do our enemies mischief, but wish well to them, grieve at their calamities, pray for them, seek reconciliation with them, and show ourselves ready on all occasions to relieve them. (Thomas Watson, Body of Divinity, p. 581)

I think this is a very Biblical definition of forgiveness. Each of its parts come from a passage of scripture.

1. Resist thoughts of revenge: Romans 12:19, "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord."
2. Don't seek to do them mischief: 1 Thessalonians 5:15, "See that no one repays another with evil for evil.
3. Wish well to them: Luke 6:28 "Bless those who curse you."
4. Grieve at their calamities: Proverbs 24:17, "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles."
5. Pray for them: Matthew 5:44, "But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you."
6. Seek reconciliation with them: Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."
7. Be always willing to come to their relief: Exodus 23:4, "If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey wandering away, you shall surely return it to him."

What forgiveness in not
But now notice what is not there in this definition. Notice what forgiveness is not.

1. Forgiveness is not the absence of anger at sin.
2. Forgiveness is not the absence of serious consequences for sin.
3. Forgiveness is not the granting of trust if it was broken. Trust is earned by a proven life change.
4. Forgiveness is not based on feeling good about what was bad – we don’t wait until we feel forgiving – we choose to forgive.

Thoughts by Philip Yancey:
Sometimes when you say a word like forgiveness, we think it is nice and sweet. It is like spraying perfume, but forgiveness isn't like that. It's hard; it's tough. It is one of the hardest things we ever have to do. As I thought about it, I realized that even when you forgive someone it is easy to still hurt, to still feel the sting. In a real sense, forgiveness just ain't fair.

Why would God want us to do something that is so unlike what our instinct is, that is so unfair. I came up with three reasons that I want to share with you today.

The first reason is that forgiveness is the only way to break the cycle. You are right. It is not fair. If you want a fair religion, I would suggest that you become a Hindu because the Hindus have a very clear way of taking care of everything. It is called incarnation. If you have done many things wrong, the Hindu scholars tell us, it may take as many 6,800,000 incarnations for those things to all work themselves out. You have to realize the punishment in this life is for something you did in a former life.

Forgiveness is the ONLY way to break the chain that can go on and on and on. It's not fair, but it breaks that chain.

There is a second reason why I believe God asks us to forgive and that is it breaks the stranglehold in you and in me, not just the stranglehold on the relationship, but the stranglehold in us.

There is a third reason that I think God asks us to forgive and that is because God first forgave us. It is one thing to get into a tit-for-tat war with a wife, husband, a nation. It is another thing to get into one with God because we are going to lose every time. No one of us deserves forgiveness from God.

When Jesus came to earth, He came and left a wonderful example of forgiveness. What I learned from that example was that forgiveness probably wasn't very easy for God. It was hard for Him. When Jesus was in the garden, he prayed "Lord, if there is any other way..." There was no other way but the hard way.

At the cross some of His last words were, "Father, forgive them for they don't know what they do." The Roman soldiers, the mobs yelling, people all down through the chain of history including you and me, "Forgive them for they don't know what they do." I think in some ways the cross is God's way of saying, "It is pretty impressive that I forgive you for some of the dastardly things that you have done."

Other Thoughts:
REMORSE - may admit the wrongness of what was done, but does not necessarily imply any kind of change in heart attitude or lifestyle.
REPENTANCE - involves a change in the way we think and act. It results in a change in lifestyle. God requires this change in us. (Acts 17:30) He also makes this change possible. (Romans 2:4). Therefore...

1. We have no excuse, if we refuse to repent. (We know repentance is our obligation.)
2. We have no reason to boast, if we do repent. (Since God is the one who made it possible, our only proper response is to express gratitude and thanks to him for our repentance.)

2 Corinthians 7:9-11 “9 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. 10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 11 For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter.”

The seven fruit of repentance from verse 11
We must be able to identify the fruit of a person’s sorrow to discern if their repentance is genuine. Fruit matures from a blossom that dies to itself, not in a day, but rather over seasons. In 2 Corinthians 7:11 the 7 fruit of repentance are labeled. We have in one verse the 7 fruit of complete repentance, following with a praise of commendation.

1. New carefulness: (what earnestness) We will now have diligence to be on our patrol so as not to have future sins in that area.
2. New confession: (what eagerness to clear yourselves) The word for clearing in Greek is apologia, which in English we derive apologize. We apologize for our sins, we don’t deny or justify or we have not truly owned up. We confess it before God.
3. New concern: (what indignation it caused in you) We will now be disgusted with our sin; we will have indignation for sin; we will see our sin as God sees it and it will grieve our hearts.
4. New conviction: (what fear) We will now have a new fear of God, we will honor God, we will be concerned what God thinks about our thoughts and actions.
5. New compulsion: (what longing) We will now have a heartfelt loving, as opposed to being cold and indifferent; we will have a passionate desire to love God and to love others.
6. New commitment: (what zeal) We once had selfish lethargy, and that led to getting pleasure off worldly things. Godly sorrow energizes us and gives us a new excitement to serve God. We want to redeem the time wisely for Him.
7. New conscience: (what punishment (of wrong) ... literally avenging of wrong) We now have a desire for justice; we want to stay in God’s presence and grow in holiness. We are quick to respond to the pricking of the Spirit when we step off the path.

And what is the by product of this all-inclusive repentance? New commendation: In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter. We now live in such a godly way, that it becomes worthy of recognition by the body!

Please take note: they had to PROVE themselves to be CLEAR in this matter through a COMPLETE repentance with FRUIT. Then comes restoration and praise.

From news reports:
An AMAZING example of Biblical forgiveness:
The Amish of Lancaster County, often seen as living in an idyllic but archaic past, have given a powerful example for the future. Their actions since the school shootings that killed five Amish girls provide one of many ways to prevent such tragedies.

Their faith in the power of forgiveness led them to invite the widow of the nonAmish killer, Charles Carl Roberts IV, to the funeral for four of the slain girls. One Amish woman told a reporter, "It's our Christian love to show to her we have not any grudges against her."

After Monday's killings, the grandfather of one of the slain girls went to the home of Roberts's father, consoling and hugging him, pouring forth a love and innocence of the kind remembered of the girls in the school. "He extended the hope of forgiveness that we all need these days," said a Roberts family spokesman, the Rev. Dwight Lefever of Living Faith Church of God. "'God met us in that kitchen."